So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. Genesis 2:21–25
So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Matthew 19:6
DVD Listening Guide - 44 minutes
The Four Foundational Laws of Marriage:
1. The Law of Priority: Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother. . .
· When we marry, we relinquish the highest position of commitment and devotion previously given to our parents in order to give that position to our spouse. Other than God, our spouse has first –place in our life.
Ways to show The Priority of Marriage:
2. The Law of Pursuit: . . . and hold fast to his wife. . .
· In marriage, we are to cleave unto our spouse. This means we are to zealously pursue our spouse and cling to our spouse for the rest of our lives.
· Marriage is work. You have to work at it!
· When the grass looks greener on the other side it’s time to water your own yard.
· The reason the grass looks greener on the other side is you can’t see the poop from here.
· Our relationship is more important than the issues.
3. The Law of Possession: . . . and they shall become one flesh. . .
· Marriage is a complete union in which all things previously owned and managed individually are now owned and managed jointly.
· God created marriage to share everything.
· Marriage is about sharing.
· Marriage is not about independence but interdependence.
4. The Law of Purity: . . . And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
· God intends for there to be complete openness between husband and wife. Sin destroys this openness. Therefore we need to obey the law of purity.
Write in one sentence what you will take away from tonight’s session:
From the Book
"The sound of ‘crashing’ marriages around us does not shout that marriage does not work but demonstrates the lack of solid foundations to those marriages. . . As Jesus said, the rain is going to come and the wind is going to blow on everyone. However, the promise for those whose lives are built upon the truth of God’s Word is stability through life’s challenges and changes. His Word is a solid foundation upon which we can build successfully."
"God designed marriage to operate as the second most important priority in life, coming next to your personal relationship with Him. If we put marriage in any position other than the one God has instituted, the marriage does not work."
"Why is it that we will work so hard to impress total strangers but will not work at all to please the ones we have vowed before God to love and cherish for the rest of our lives?"
"The greatest benefit of putting everything we have into marriage is that we now share everything. We belong to each other totally. There is not a door we are not allowed to enter, so we share life completely."
"When a robber wants to get into your home, he doesn’t need you to leave every door and window open. He only needs one way inside. If he can gain only one entry point, he can burglarize your entire house."
For Further Study
1. Read Chapters 2-6 of Marriage on the Rock
2. Identify three things that might be competing for your time and energy as a top priority over your spouse. Ask your spouse how you can make him or her feel valued.
3. Make a list of ways you can start to purse one another as husband and wife. Here are some thoughts to get you started.
· Call or text during the day just to see how each other is doing.
· Write a note of encouragement.
· Give a "just because" gift.
· Plan a date night.
4. Rate how selfish you perceive yourself in the following areas with 1 being not selfish and 5 being very selfish. Share and discuss answers. If you see any problem areas, brainstorm some specific changes you could make together to move toward sharing all things.
· Time 1 2 3 4 5
· Money 1 2 3 4 5
· Decision-making 1 2 3 4 5
· Chores 1 2 3 4 5
· Activity Choices 1 2 3 4 5
5. Reflect on areas of your marriage where you are not being open and honest with one another. Apply the following steps to restore purity to your marriage:
i. Take responsibility for your own behavior.
ii. Do not return sin for sin.
iii. Admit your faults.
iv. Forgive by releasing yours spouse from personal judgment and by yielding your right of retaliation or punishment.
v. Speak the truth in love.
vi. Pray for each other.
vii. Seek righteous fellowship.`
Everyone who comes to me and hears my words and does them, I will show you what he is like: he is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when a flood arose, the stream broke against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built. But the one who hears and does not do them is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. When the stream broke against it, immediately it fell, and the ruin of that house was great.” Luke 6:47–49
For they drank from the spiritual Rock that followed them, and the Rock was Christ. 1 Corinthians 10:4
Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water. . . Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” John 4:13–14
On the last day of the feast, the great day, Jesus stood up and cried out, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’ ” John 7:37–38
DVD Listening Guide - 39 minutes
Marriage was created by God and is only successful when it honors His plan and includes His presence.
Marriage is a spiritual bond.
The four basic needs that all human beings are instinctively motivated to satisfy:
1. Acceptance – knowing you are loved and needed by others
2. Identity – knowing you are individually significant and special
3. Security – knowing you are well protected and provided for
4. Purpose – knowing you have a reason for living and that God has a special plan for your life.
Results of Expecting others to meet our deepest needs
1. We will never be fulfilled.
2. We become discouraged and cynical.
3. We become bitter towards people and reject them.
Write in one sentence what you will take away from tonight’s session:
1. "No human being can meet your deepest needs. Only God can. When you put too much hope in a person, you always are headed for disappointment and, sometimes, even for disaster! Marriage on the Rock, p. 22
2. When the expectation of having deep needs met is transferred to anyone (including your spouse) or anything other than God, three main problems arise:
a. You will always be disappointed with the results, no matter how well things go.
b. You will lack the inner resources you need to love others the way you should and to confront life successfully.
c. You almost always will be hurt and offended eventually by the one in whom you invested all your trust, because that one cannot possibly meet your deepest needs.
3. Reflect on these questions:
a. Is this statement true of your life: "I seek God first and more than anyone else or anything else to meet my deepest needs."?
b. Do I expect my spouse to make me happy?
c. What expectations do I put on my spouse to me that only God can meet?
d. Is my inner joy, peace, and fulfillment easily interrupted when things don’t go the way I want or when people don’t behave the way I think they should?
e. Am I confident that my life is built on knowing who I am in Jesus, and that no matter how people behave or how situations turn out, I am secure?
For Further Study
1. Read Chapter 1 and Appendix I of Marriage on the Rock
2. Consider what the following verses teach about trusting in other people or things instead of God:
· Proverbs 28:26
· Jeremiah 17:5
· Proverbs 11:28
· Jeremiah 17:7-8
· Psalm 125:1
· Proverbs 29:25
3. Which of the following would you like to incorporate into your life as you build your marriage on the Rock of Christ?
· Praying individually
· Praying as a couple
· Reading the Bible
· Reading a devotional book
· Attending church
· Attending Sunday School
4. As a couple discuss the following:
· Talk about ways to depend more on the Lord to meet your needs.
· Make a verbal commitment to each other to depend on the Lord, not your spouse, to meet your deepest needs.
· Ask each other for forgiveness for times when you have put unrealistic expectations upon your spouse that have resulted in hurt and division in your marriage.
· Pray for each other to have a deeper walk with the Lord and a greater dependence upon Him.
January 8: Session One: The Most Important Issue in Marriage
January 22: Session Two: The Four Foundational Laws of Marriage
February 12: Session Three: Understanding and Meeting Your Spouse’s Needs
February 26: Session Four: Destructive Husbands and Wives
March 26: Session Five: The Power of Positive Communication
April 9: Session Six: Financial Management in Marriage
April 23: Session Seven: Parents: Past and Present
May 14: Session Eight: Raising Great Children as You Build a Marriage
May 28: Session Nine: Sexual Fulfillment in Marriage
TBD: Session Ten: Foundations for Successful Blended Families
Each session will be on Wednesday evenings from 7-8pm at the Lipan School. Children may attend the Team Kids program at First Baptist Church. First Baptist Church will also have a meal that you are invited to at 6:15.
Hosted by Stacia Cook and the L5 Program
817-771-4907 / email@example.com
Facilitated by David Peacock
Pastor of First Baptist Church
254-413-2050 / firstname.lastname@example.org