Marriage on the Rock – Session One: The Most Important Issue in Marriage

Everyone who comes to me and hears my words and does them, I will show you what he is like: he is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when a flood arose, the stream broke against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built. But the one who hears and does not do them is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. When the stream broke against it, immediately it fell, and the ruin of that house was great.” Luke 6:47–49

For they drank from the spiritual Rock that followed them, and the Rock was Christ. 1 Corinthians 10:4

Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water. . . Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” John 4:13–14

On the last day of the feast, the great day, Jesus stood up and cried out, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’ ” John 7:37–38

DVD Listening Guide – 39 minutes

John 4:7-26

Marriage was created by God and is only successful when it honors His plan and includes His presence.

Marriage is a spiritual bond.

The four basic needs that all human beings are instinctively motivated to satisfy:

1. Acceptance – knowing you are loved and needed by others

2. Identity – knowing you are individually significant and special

3. Security – knowing you are well protected and provided for

4. Purpose – knowing you have a reason for living and that God has a special plan for your life.

Results of Expecting others to meet our deepest needs

1. We will never be fulfilled.

2. We become discouraged and cynical.

3. We become bitter towards people and reject them.

Write in one sentence what you will take away from tonight’s session:

Application

1. "No human being can meet your deepest needs. Only God can. When you put too much hope in a person, you always are headed for disappointment and, sometimes, even for disaster! Marriage on the Rock, p. 22

2. When the expectation of having deep needs met is transferred to anyone (including your spouse) or anything other than God, three main problems arise:

a. You will always be disappointed with the results, no matter how well things go.

b. You will lack the inner resources you need to love others the way you should and to confront life successfully.

c. You almost always will be hurt and offended eventually by the one in whom you invested all your trust, because that one cannot possibly meet your deepest needs.

3. Reflect on these questions:

a. Is this statement true of your life: "I seek God first and more than anyone else or anything else to meet my deepest needs."?

b. Do I expect my spouse to make me happy?

c. What expectations do I put on my spouse to me that only God can meet?

d. Is my inner joy, peace, and fulfillment easily interrupted when things don’t go the way I want or when people don’t behave the way I think they should?

e. Am I confident that my life is built on knowing who I am in Jesus, and that no matter how people behave or how situations turn out, I am secure?

For Further Study

1. Read Chapter 1 and Appendix I of Marriage on the Rock

2. Consider what the following verses teach about trusting in other people or things instead of God:

· Proverbs 28:26

· Jeremiah 17:5

· Proverbs 11:28

· Jeremiah 17:7-8

· Psalm 125:1

· Proverbs 29:25

3. Which of the following would you like to incorporate into your life as you build your marriage on the Rock of Christ?

· Praying individually

· Praying as a couple

· Reading the Bible

· Reading a devotional book

· Attending church

· Attending Sunday School

4. As a couple discuss the following:

· Talk about ways to depend more on the Lord to meet your needs.

· Make a verbal commitment to each other to depend on the Lord, not your spouse, to meet your deepest needs.

· Ask each other for forgiveness for times when you have put unrealistic expectations upon your spouse that have resulted in hurt and division in your marriage.

· Pray for each other to have a deeper walk with the Lord and a greater dependence upon Him.

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